When you have a need to bounce around too much to occupy your mind, Facebook and their forums are a great place to hangout. Every few minutes there is a whole new list to read.
On the health groups so often I hear people with (insert name of disorder – because this is similar for all disorders) rant about how others think they look good so they must feel good. If they are out doing normal everyday things of living, then they must be better.
Well, most of these forums are for chronic diseases. The very definition of chronic means there is no getting better. There may be good and/or bad days, and occasionally a really bad or good stretch. But there is no getting better. Well, not in the mainstream medical world.
And many of these chronic diseases are invisible. An invisible disorder means there are no to few outward symptoms. Most are internal. These include but are not limited to pain, insomnia, dizziness, nausea, loss of appetite, low energy & exhaustion, etc.
Many people with each of these disorders makes the same cry. We need more understanding, more education, more awareness, more research, more money, more government rules.
And what do they want it for?
A cure, obviously.
But more than that, so that others will understand what people with this particular disease go through on a daily basis, and not be so quick to judge. Often others don’t believe the diagnosis, the severity or impact of the symptoms, or that someone who looks “normal” really isn’t.
Why don’t we just skip the fundraising, education,
government involvement and all the rest of the big business model –
and focus on the one thing we all really need.
Compassion and understanding. Not more judgement.
Why the need to judge others at all? Why can’t we believe someone when they say they are tired, or in pain, or sick, or hungry but can’t eat. They are a conscious individual and know themselves.
Why so quick to say the problem is all in your head, not your body. Why so quick to say “get yourself together and get a job!”
Or if others understand it is a chronic health issue, they are known to say “it must be nice to stay home all day doing nothing.” Well, being sick full time isn’t doing nothing. Its often endless doctor appointments and testing, researching the latest medical treatments because doctors often don’t know much about these invisible disorders. It is also taking every bit of energy you have and doing what you can, when you can, to live a semblance of a normal productive life.
Why does someone who barely knows you or never heard of the disease before, need to tell you how you should be feeling, thinking, eating, moving or living your life?
Who are any of use to determine someone is a hypochondriac, have anxiety or mental problems or are “just” lazy. Where did this attitude that there is no valid reason for not being productive and making money. That we are still in the days where illness is a moral failure. If only you prayed more, ate better, volunteered more, or more or less of something, you wouldn’t be sick. People often have no control over the illness they are being personally blamed for.
Technically, there is the mind/body connection. But this is far from the same thing as think happy thoughts, to do more of x to get better. And I really don’t believe doctors or others who say its in the mind, have a firm grasp of the intricacies of mind/body medicine to be of any help. Its just more judgement.
Accept the person and offer kindness.
Its really that simple.
Ok, to make it a little more complicated……
Research shows that healing has more to do with the relationship to the healer than the technical aspects of healing, such as drugs, treatments or therapies.
Feeling wanted, cared for and included does so much more for healing than a cold distant medical professional passing judgement and offering chemicals with endless side effects. Feeling judged, pushed aside, isolated, unwanted or not good enough does more harm than healing. Our current judgmental attitude and medical system is not what it needs to be.
If so many people are asking for the same thing from others: understanding and compassion, and it is not limited to any particular disease, condition, state of being, gender, sexuality, or anything else, maybe its time to look at how to make that possible. We really can’t ask everyone else to stop judging if we ourselves judge in even a minute way. There is a desperate need for cultural change, and it begins within each of us.
Trust people to find their own answers.
If you have nothing positive to offer, keep it simple with love, kindness, compassion.